I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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