Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
