During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
