cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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