: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
