True but thats because hes a fetus.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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