I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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