My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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