she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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