Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
