So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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