we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
