Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I could make wine with my vomit
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
