every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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