Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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