she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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