I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
