I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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