It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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