im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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