i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
