Someone shit on the floor
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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