Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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