perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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