I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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