He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
