I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
