I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
