i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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