Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize