Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
