That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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