I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have already put on my inside pants.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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