I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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