He kissed a someone with a penis
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
