I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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