Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
