I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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