So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
