Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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