Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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