What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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