I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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