it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
