He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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