im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
