? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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