great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
