I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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