She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
