I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
