I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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