Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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