Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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