I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize