So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Mom said you looked used
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
