All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
