that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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