***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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