this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
