I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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