You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
