dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
