Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and she was petting her beer can
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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