Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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